I’ve been having a break from blogging recently.
The reason for this is that I returned to work after having over twelve months off, and I wanted to give myself time to settle back in.
I wanted to give myself time to relax on an evening after busy days at work.
And most importantly, I wanted to spend all my spare time with my little Family!
I have now been back at work for two weeks, and I’ve worked six days. Dave has been at home with the Children, and I have become a commuter.
Whilst I have had some quite strange encounters on my travels, including a rather strange lady who told me I was sat in HER seat on the train! I have also enjoyed the peace and quiet of having some time to myself. Time to think, and time to plan.
Dave has been working from home and does not officially finish working until Monday. Both Gabriel and Willow have been pretty well-behaved for him whilst he’s been on important calls, and they have even been helping!
Being back at work has been challenging and it has been enjoyable, but mostly it has been fine. I’m certainly not yet into the stresses of holding a full caseload, or adhering to strict deadlines so maybe there’s time yet to feel overwhelmed!
The first day back was hard, but I received so much support from many friends and Family members (especially my Twitter friends) so thank you, you know who you are! It’s very different leaving two children as it is to leaving one. I cannot quite explain it, but it is so different. Perhaps it is because when you have more than one Child you do not have time to think as much or prepare for the change, or maybe it is just that they consume your life, being without them is hard to compute at first?
Driving into the car park and seeing the Court buildings felt slightly depressing (It is a very depressing building, not the people!) But I cushioned the blow by purchasing some very sweet ducks pins, and a new mug to use at my desk. It’s the little things after all!
On the train to Sheffield on the way to a meeting last week I started to think about time. Will I regret this time in my life? The time that is so important for my Children’s development.
So many milestones that I may miss, and so many memories I won’t make.
I know I will cherish this time that has given my Husband this wonderful opportunity. But I have so many questions in my mind. Will the time drag? Or will it be over before I know it? Will I be jealous of the fun activities that Dave plans for his days with the Children? Will I dread the weekend being over?
It’s going to be challenging for us both, but so far the arrangement has worked well. I feel, if I am totally honest like I have had a break. Which was well needed, I have not left Willow’s side many times at all!
It is going to take time to get used to all these changes.
It is going to be a time I look back on in my life and no doubt be proud of ourselves for working so hard.
And it is going to be time-consuming having all these thoughts!
But I do feel guilty. I hate leaving the Children looking sad that I am going out to work, but I do love my journey home, it’s so full of excitement to see them, Their little faces light up when they see me, and it makes me feel good, but also mean that I’ve not been with them all day!
It is so bittersweet.
I miss my Children!
But I am not going to beat myself up about it.
Because this is my time. It is my time to complete my studying, to build a great career and to grab the amazing opportunity that work have given me. It is not forever, but the results will be.
I am just being me, a working and studying Mummy and Wife.