It was Willow’s first ever flight on Friday. She coped really well and seemed to enjoy the experience- her very own seat, a Peter Rabbit comic and eating cookies all kept her entertained and she didn’t moan once. However, in pure comedy timing she did decide just as we were hitting the runway to do a huge poo which leaked ALL over her seat..
Willow’s unfortunate incident meant I sat giggling to myself- but I realised I had no one next to me to share the moment, to laugh with and also to deal with the practical side of sorting the issue! It didn’t matter because I dealt with it by myself just fine, and my family of course laughed with me afterwards, but my life is definitely different now!
After cleaning up the mess the best I could, I was forced into the window seat on the plane and as I looked out of the window I started thinking about life and how quickly things can change for us but also about just how quickly we adapt. Sometimes by choice and sometimes not. I looked at the clouds and their surrounding blue skies and realised I was excited. Finally I had something to look forward to, something that I knew I could make fun, relaxing and enjoyable! Some distance between me and my ridiculously busy work diary and creating some clarity about where I want to be and how I intend to get there. The plan, or our plan isn’t finalised just yet- because I’m not sure of the finer details but, I am starting to make decisions which will mould the rest of our lives and for a change, it feels good to be in control.
Previously I’ve always liked a certain level of control. I like to plan for free time and holidays/days out etc (and I also enjoy being a little bossy sometimes!) But in more recent years, I haven’t enjoyed this. I liked making joint decisions, having back up and not always having to be the person that needed to think about things as a whole whether it be on a practical or emotional level. It’s wonderful of course, having someone there to support, talk to and help you get where you need to be. But what about when there isn’t that person? Well, I’ve realised you still get there- to the same place. It just takes a little longer and it’s all about allowing yourself that bit of extra time!
The point of this blog is about silver linings. Change isn’t always bad, it’s not always good either, but in life it’s something we have to deal with. I suppose when I consider the plus points, some of the changes that have occurred in our lives have been great in many ways. Being a single parent I can make decisions myself, I can go and go where I want and do what I please! My relationships with others have genuinely improved and I now seem to have more time (and I make more time) to talk to my wonderful friends and family. This is something I used to reserve for one person. But what I’ve learned is, actually it’s useful to trust and talk to a few close friends and family. It often makes situations clearer. I also now have to THINK about what I want to do, and how to do it. Not that I didn’t before, but it’s liberating, and I have a feeling of being free.
Family wise, I’ve become so much closer to my parents and their respective spouses. They have supported us emotionally, helped practically and also made me feel loved; I cannot thank them enough. My relationship with Gabriel and Willow has changed. We are so amazingly close now, and it’s awesome. We’ve always been close but now we are even closer. We laugh so much at home, we play, we read and we cuddle. It’s lovely to spend so much uninterrupted time with my children and being the only adult there means we can do as we like!
I also have more time to myself. This is a difficult one to admit, but I am enjoying having time to myself. Time which I haven’t had for years. I feel like ‘me’ again. I’ve reunited with old friends, met new friends and I feel like I’ve been able to socialise in a way that I never have previously. I do feel a little like a terrible mother for admitting this, but I’ve also realised that it is this time that I have away from the kids that is making the time we do have together more special, and absolutely more fun!
It’s taken months, perhaps even having the break away from normality to realise all these positives. Of course not cloud does have a silver lining but it’s important to try see one. It’s not obvious, but sometimes you just have to be ready to notice it. Now I am ready for our next chapter, and the fun, happiness and changes it will bring and I will always treasure the moment and laugh to myself when I think about the day that Willow shouted at the top of her voice on a packed, quiet plane, ‘Mummy I’ve done a pooooo! I’ve done a poooo on a PLANE!’ Brilliant.