I have this battle with myself. I like to call it the ‘I will be a size 12′ battle. I don’t often talk about my weight or size, because I genuinely don’t feel it’s important. I think being healthy and happy is more so. But at the moment I have got to the point where something has to give. My clothes are becoming tight and I have little energy.
I’ll make it clear now, I don’t want to be stick thin, I just want to feel comfortable-ish with my body and for my skinny jeans to not feel well, TOO skinny wherby they have to be peeled off or unbuttoned after a meal! But, my body (and my motivation) has other ideas. It seems that I get so close to fitting in a size 12 jeans, but I just cannot manage it! It’s a conspiracy, I’m sure of it?
I am at my happiest when I am about a size 12. I know that size shouldn’t matter, but it is relative to how I feel about my body and when I feel most confident in myself. At that size, I feel like my clothes hang nicely and my arms don’t wobble!
When I got married four years ago I was a comfortable size 12. I was happy with my body and the thought of being photographed in a bikini did not fill me with dread. I ate healthily and exercised 3/4 times a week. Of course there were parts of my body I wasn’t massively happy with (we all have those don’t we?) but generally, I was happy. Then came pregnancy. Suddenly all the energetic exercising has to reduce, and eventually stop. I could eat what I wanted and well, did. Pregnancy with Willow however meant horrendous morning sickness for months and deliberating SPD, so whilst I had a huge ‘second timer bump’ I didn’t really put that much weight on.
After six weeks I was free from SPD pain and back in the gym. I breastfed her for eleven months and this coupled with all the exercise I was doing meant that the weight just fell off. I was back in my skinny jeans and although had a Mummy tummy I didn’t mind so much.
Since having Children my body has changed. The shape, my skin tone and type, the aches and pains that occur now from having the SPD and also nails and hair are much different. I don’t mind all these things changing, because I am a Mummy now and these things are not that important anymore. Of course I want to look nice, but this is more about how I feel about myself inside, and how I feel that I could do better with my diet and exercise motivation!
In October I’d starting hearing people talking about the 30 day Shred. It sounded gruelling, but it seemed to bring results. So Dave and I completed it. It was tough, especially as I was doing after other exercise, and on a weekend finding the motivation for it was difficult if I am honest. But, it was a challenge and I am glad we did it, it showed me that with the work you can get results reasonably quickly. I lost over a stone in weight and more importantly I was really fit. Everything was easier, even getting up in the morning. But as the Shred finished, so did my motivation, and work/study became hectic. I went from my size 14 jeans being too big to them fitting snugly in a matter of months. I reverted to staying at home on a night (often working) and also eating huge portions of comfort food, for well.. comfort. Who wants to leave the house in the snow to go to Zumba anyway?
Now four months on my size 14 jeans are feeling tight. I can get away with the tops, dresses and tunics, but I feel unhappy. I want to be comfortable. So, I am starting a fresh afresh. I am going to eat healthily and not drink as much wine. I went out with the girls last night and we had pizza and wine. It was great and just what I needed after a tough week, but the naughtiness stops here.
I have signed up with Weight Watchers online (through Quidco, so three months effectively free, yay!) and I am going to start exercising again more reguarly. I can’t commit to the Shred at the moment due to my studies, but Zumba, kettlebells, swimming and body combat will all resume. I feel so much better about myself when I am reasonably fit, and I know this is what I need right now. I also refuse to buy clothes just because I have eaten a lot in the last few months! On reflection, the buffet at Butlins probably did not help the situation.
So this is me starting afresh. Starting again and taking control of my fat ass.
A new start and hopefully a healthier and happier me.